What if Cigarettes and Tobacco Disappeared Overnight?
or… The Seven Steps in recovering from Cigarette Addiction
1. Surprise & Shock
How could all tobacco disappear overnight? Is it some alien invasion? A Godly intervention? A Government conspiracy? Nobody know how or why it happened, but it did. Cigarettes, Chewing Tobacco, pipe Tobacco, Cigars, and even the tobacco plants themselves-Gone. Wild speculation from the talking heads on TV attempt to cover every angle but only succeed at creating more questions than answers.
Smokers won’t let something as small as the disappearance of all tobacco stop them from smoking. As smokers, we experiment with anything we can light on fire to curb the cravings and hold us over until the tobacco comes back as suddenly and as mysteriously as it left.
We’ve lasted the first six hours without blowing up, mainly because we were stupefied. But now there’s still no tobacco and we’re mad. There is no other anger quite like that of someone addicted to a perfectly legal substance and is denied the substance. We can’t take it. There are millions of us at this moment, blowing our stacks and melting down. Non-smokers should try to hide and wait it out.
Putting anger behind us we begin to pray to whatever deity we think will help us. Feeling weak and feeble of will we thrust bargains into the ether, trading even our souls for another puff.
As our prayer for cigarettes to rain down from the sky go unheard, we slip into deep and deadly depression. With every passing hour of withdrawal symptoms crushing down we sink even lower.
Tobacco is gone but the Earth continues to spin. Time continues to sluggishly pass and we smokers reluctantly give into acceptance. Gone forever, it seems, is the blissful after dinner smoke or first in the morning drag.
7. Get Busy Livin’!
Our blood pressure returns to a normal we haven’t known since gradeschool. Our moods stabilize like never before. Time become less of an abstract notion and more of a true commodity. Mankind begins to recapture lost motivation and resurrects undone projects. As we preservere we flourish. With all the time saved, NOT sneaking out back for a quick smoke, running to the store for smokes, and wasted time thinking about our next smoke, we make social, economic and scientific breakthroughts almost instantly.
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